Ahoy from Hoi An….a tale of Malaria, Lariam and a Larry.
Travel Location: Hoi-An,Vietnam
We arrived yesterday in the ancient town of Hoi An, just south of Da Nang in the middle of Vietnam. Liza pointed out that the name Hoi An is anagram of Hanoi. I am pleased to notice this because it is the kind of thing that I like to notice as well. Like later in the trip, we are scheduled to go to both Kyoto and Tokyo, which are anagramatical sister cities. In fact you could chain the two endlessly, as in 'kyotokyotokyotokyo…' etc.
And since we are in fact headed for Hanoi next week, this is a similar situation dont you think? But these are trivial matters in light of the week we've been having. Our Mekong Delta three day trip had suddenly become a four day trip when Liza took ill in Chau Doc on the second morning. After dinner on the first night of the tour, we had both taken a Lariam pill (ANAGRAM ALERT! 'a lariam' = 'malaria')as we have every Sunday since the week before Christmas. Maybe that was the reason that Liza got sick, but I didnt so what's up with that? Was my illness in Koh Samet my turn for the reaction, but if so then why did it affect me on a Thursday night? More likely, Liza had a bad reaction to food or an ice cube may have found it's way into her Milkless Mango Shake. Maybe she just a bad piece of lettuce, even if it was boiled it may have been boiled in water that had bacteria in it – the kind of bacteria that wouldnt affect the locals but would devastate the tourist. Because that's just what happened to Liza. She had all the symptoms, cold chills, sweats, and you know the other thing. I cant even type the word for fear of getting it again. Anyway,we had to get off the bus at the foot of Sam Mountain,just outside Chau Doc (Yes, there's a mountain called Sam – the site of a Pagoda that they call 'The Lady Pagoda') and hastily book an air conditioned room in the Bui Dien Nui Sam hotel for 220,000 dong, in cash. Luckily we had the cash, as we had checked our credit cards in a safe deposit box back at the Hotel A-1 Dong in Saigon along with the guitar and our big packs. Liza just needed to be off the bus and sleep in a nice bed with Air conditioning so we got her to the room and put her to bed. I made arrangements with a nice older guy who was our tour operator from the Sinh Cafe Saigon, Tankh was his name, so that a Sinh bus of the next days tour would come to the hotel and pick us up at noon the next day. I'll never forget how helpful the hotel manager was, she plumped up the pillows for Liza and showed me how to use the remote for the Toshiba air conditioner. Made sure I had my complimentary breakfast coupons as well. This was triage as far as I was concerned, but it turned out to be a magical oasis for us. They had satellite TV and since Liza was sleeping, I caught up on my CNN World News and MTV ASIA. But I also thought about the tour so far the day before, we had gone in the morning to the Rung Tram Forest hideout of the Viet Cong on pleasant little boats that curl up and down the many tributaries of the Upper and Lower Mekong River forks. It was here that I first saw a skull and cross bones sign that warned in Vietnamese and English of unexploded mines and bombs just past the fences, 'Deadly Ground' being the discernable and wisely heeded phrase that accompanied a decidedly un-jolly roger. This was yet another reminder of the folly of the U.S. forces even thinking that they could win here. 'WHAT WERE THEY THINKING?' should be etched into every captured and burned out tank and dismembered Huey helicopter across these former battlefields. The North Vietnamese Army, or NVA and all their guerilla instincts demonstrate the fact that 'charlie' knew his way around the jungle better than the yanks could ever have hoped. No matter how much money, or what percentage of an entire generation of young Americans that the Pentagon threw on the fire, it would only serve to burn out and drive out the foreigners. The Domino Theory. That's what US Generals like Westmoreland or then Senator Barry Goldwater called it. The idea being that if South Vietnam fell to the 'commies' then soon all of Asia, followed by India, then Western Europe etc…would fall like dominoes. Well, maybe it was the times, cold war hot war it's all war in the end. And for the US troops – particularly after the Tet Offensive in 1968, the end was pretty much everywhere, and every day, in the Mekong region. But back in a hotel near a mountain named Sam, Liza was now well enough to sit up in bed and watch Asian MTV. You have no idea how happy we were to see a documentary on Beck, one of those jump cutty snippet filled programs that MTV calls 'Biorythm'. It was very moving and inspiring if not utterly incongruous to our present conditions. And maybe that's why it felt so comforting. Junk food is extremly tasty when it's a familiar flavour. Comfort Junk Food. That's MTV Asia to me, and as they're fond of sloganing 'I Like'. Next morning and Liza's 24 hour flu is approaching hour #25. We are extremely well rested and descend into the pleasant hotel lobby to wait for the promised bus from Sinh Cafe and resume the three day tour with another group. At 11 am I see a bus with the Sinh Cafe logo on it (a curiously sixties, hippy graphic that combines a pointing finger with the wings of a dove in something that looks strangely like the Toronto Blue Jays logo.) Since it was an hour ahead of schedule, like that was even remotely possible, I went up to the driver with my make up voucher to see what was up. Sure enough this was not our bus, but the driver knew where the right bus was. Only trouble was that the driver of that bus, as far as this guy knew, had not been informed to pick us up. Not to worry, he intoned in Vietnamese English (i.e. indecipherably), I could pay one of the motorcycle 'taxi' guys who hung around the door of the hotel, to scoot me over to the other side of 'Sam' (the mountain as you'll remember) Just leave the bags with Liza in the lobby and get on the back of this Suzuki and whisk over there and back, lighter of course, for the 5000 dong that this would require. To my surprise, this seemed like a reasonable idea. Not to say I was cavalier and without trepidation, that would be a lie. I did all the silly things that seem to make sense when you're paranoid, like leaving my money belt and Passport back at the hotel with Liza, and only taking exactly 5,000 dong with me,lest this 'taxi' turn out to be a 'Cowboy' or motorcyle bandit. On the contrary, he turned out to be a friendly and efficient 'courier du bike'. I suddenly felt like a pony express man in the old west as I hopped on the motorcycle passenger seat and put my leery feet on the, well the place where one puts one's feet in those situations. I wasnt sure how hard I should hold the guy, so I tentatively rested my unclosed hands on his back – I would only grab on if I suddenly needed to – such an awkward 'guy moment'. The wind blew through my hair and the town flew by me as we raced around Sam Mountain to alert the cavalry. Suddenly, as the exhiliaration kicked in, I was having fun again. I met the Sinh bus and after being assured that he would come back for us, I got back on my chariot to give Liza the good news, a returning hero.
Well they say that things happen for a reason. And this was verified as we boarded the new bus and met our new crew of tourists. Among them were an Aussie girl, from Melbourne (Australia's Most Liveable City' according to the ads on Australia 7 TV which we also watched the night before), a balding and otherwise clean cut Irishman with round glasses who vaguely resembled the singer James Taylor both physically and in his demeanour, an unaccompanied German man who resembled an unaccompanied German version of the actor George Kennedy, two Italian girls of questionable fashion sense, an adorable and very young arian couple from Denmark and our prize acquaintance,who we will call Larry (for that is his name)and who was an American ex-soldier returning to 'the shit' after 30 years. In our next episode we will relive his horror, hopefully with a healthy respect and appreciation. SEE : THE WAR ACCORDING TO LARRY.
